Giving Each Other Our Best

            This week’s lesson is provided by Pastor Mark Scott. Pr. Scott has graciously agreed to offer his many years of pastoral experience and theological expertise as my special guest contributor this week. However, before I give you some biographical information about Pr. Scott, I want to tell you something else about him. Mark is a very dear, personal friend of mine. I met him about 15 years ago when he was filling in for the regular pastor from the church we were attending at that time while our pastor was on a year-long sabbatical. God used Mark in a very powerful way in my life and eventually used Mark to inspire me to pursue God’s call to ministry. I am so thankful for his teaching during that year and for his encouragement, mentoring and friendship during the years since. I am honored that he agreed to contribute to A Pastor’s Thoughts ministry.

About Pastor Scott

            Mark is currently the Exposition and Leadership Pastor at Mountainview Community Christian Church. Before that he was the Academic Dean at Ozark Christian College (“OCC”). Mark taught New Testament and Preaching at OCC for 28 years. Prior to his many years at OCC Mark was the preaching pastor at various churches for many years. Mark received his Bachelor of Theology from OCC; his Master of Divinity from Lincoln Christian Seminary; and his Doctor of Ministry from Denver Seminary. Mark has authored or co-authored numerous books and scholarly articles such as: “Reflections” in The Christian Standard, Lamp Devotionals from Acts and Nehemiah, “Biblical Preaching” (chapter) in The Mind of Christ (College Press), “Christian Love” (chapter) in Essentials of Christian Practice (College Press), a book entitled, Sermons On the Gospels (Standard Publishing), and many more. Mark has ministered internationally in Barbados, Scotland, Canada, Chile, Israel, Germany, Venezuela, Turkey, Greece, Rome, and Ukraine. Mark has been married to his beautiful wife Carla for almost 41 years. They have four children and ten grand-children.

Introduction

            I have a confession to make: Family series makes me nervous. There are several reasons for this: 1) I have never felt like a very good husband or father. I’m trying to be a good Papa, but maybe even that is motivated by feeling like a failure in the other areas. Beth Moore says, “Submission is ducking so God can hit your husband.” Heaven knows that I deserved getting hit by God many times. 2) The Bible has larger concerns than my marital happiness. The Bible is far more concerned with me bringing the kingdom of God to earth than helping me to be nice to my wife and kids. Being nice to my wife and kids matters, but it’s puny compared to the Bible’s overarching theme. 3) I always think about the how the single person translates these types of lessons. The latest research says that 49% of the adult culture is not married. That statistic may not be true in the Church, but singleness abounds, and I don’t want those people feeling left out of these kinds of series. 4) There are new questions for traditional marriage. Just set the issue of gender in marriage aside. There are still new questions out there, e.g. what constitutes marriage in God’s eyes? What legal and financial issues need decided? Etc.

            That being said, there is still great value in our church giving solid Bible teaching on what will keep our homes from experiencing a wrecking ball. The wrecking ball I want to identify today is selfishly giving less than our best. That can be lethal. Here’s what I want to say today: Love is the best way to give our best in family life. That won’t guarantee that everything will turn out right, but it is what we are called to do nonetheless.

Subject Text

John 13:34-35

            ³⁴“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ³⁵By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Our text today is the great mandate. The surrounding context will help us too. But before we unpack that I want to give a sidebar. I do this for the sake of definition because love can refer to everything from pizza, to notes passed in school (with boxes to check), to erotic and steamy novels and films. It is very hard for our culture not to think of love in terms of romance.

Sidebar

            I read where the longest kiss was by two high school kids in Hanover, Germany. They locked lips for 105 minutes and 48 seconds. I would guess they would be pretty tuckered to pucker after that, but that’s how we think of love. Rufus M. Jones told about a blacksmith in Maine who fell in love with a very tall girl in his town. The only problem was that he was extremely short. He really cared for her so he proposed to her, and she accepted. He was so excited that he hopped up on an anvil and kissed her. They decided to go for a walk through a park. He decided that he wanted to kiss her again so he asked her. She said, “Not out here in public.” He quickly protested, “If there isn’t going to be any more kissing, then I’m not going to carry this anvil around.” Ha! (I’m here all week.)

            Listen, our culture is consumed by this romantic element to love. But the Bible is not silent about this romantic dimension either. You can’t get out of the second chapter of the Bible without marital intimacy being discussed. The last verse of Gen. 2:25 says, “Now the man and his wife were both naked and not ashamed.” Hear me, the cleanest mind in the universe thought up the idea of marital intimacy. Heb. 13:4a says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…” If that is not enough, there is a whole book of the Bible devoted to this. It’s called the “Song of Songs.” I can’t even read it without turning red. Some of the metaphors would have to be changed for us. “Your stomach is like a mound of wheat” (7:2)—don’t try that one. Or, “Your neck is like the tower of David” (4:4). Good luck guys. But this book speaks of being faint with romantic love. I noticed that Bill and Pam Farrel have a new book out. There other one was, Men are Like Waffles and Women are Like Spaghetti. This one is called, Red Hot Monogamy. Lord, have mercy.

            In our travels this summer we met Joe and Carol Hoover. They are missionaries and Bible translators in Guinea, West Africa. I found Joe to be a delightful and creative speaker. As he spoke about marital love he gave us new lyrics to Rich Mullin’s song, “Our God is an Awesome God.” Here are the lyrics:

           He made us in his image both female and male—our 
          God is a sexy God.

He made all to reproduce—tiny minnow and the whale—our God is a sexy God.

Chorus:

Our God is a sexy God; He rules with wisdom above;

He lives in our married love; Our God is a sexy God.

He made a paradise where the two can live together;

The fine couple had no use for clothes;

Every good was theirs; they even had good weather,

Our God is a sexy God.

Our God is a sexy God; He rules with wisdom above;

He lives in our married love; Our God is a sexy God.

            Parents, may I speak a word to you? I’m as serious as a heart attack here. Please do your children a favor and give them a high and holy view of biblical sexuality. Don’t leave this up to the school, the locker room, a back alley, or even the church to do your job. Sex is not what you have. Sex is what you are. You owe it to your children to get this subject out of the gutter and get it on the same shelf as your Bible because human sexuality is the defining subject in this culture. If you need some help get Dr. Karl and Shannon Wendt’s little books from Standard Publishing on “How to talk to your kids about sex.” But please make a commitment to do that today if you have kids at home.

Context and Text Analysis

            That all being said (that’s my sidebar) selfless love is so much bigger than the bedroom. And that’s what’s in our text today. Do you want to know what Giving Each Other Our Best looks like according to John 13?

John 13

¹It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love. ²The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. ³Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; ⁴so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. ⁵After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him. ⁶He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” ⁷Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” ⁸“No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” ⁹“Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!” ¹⁰Jesus answered, “A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” ¹¹For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not everyone was clean. ¹²When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” He asked them. ¹³“You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. ¹⁴Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. ¹⁵I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. ¹⁶I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. ¹⁷Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them. ¹⁸“I am not referring to all of you; I know those I have chosen. But this is to fulfill the scripture: ‘He who shares my bread has lifted up his heel against me.’ ¹⁹I am telling you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe that I am He. ²⁰I tell you the truth, whoever accepts anyone I send accepts me; and whoever accepts me accepts the one who sent me.” ²¹After he had said this, Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, “I tell you the truth, one of you is going to betray me.” ²²His disciples stared at one another, at a loss to know which of them he meant. ²³One of them, the disciple whom Jesus loved, was reclining next to him. ²⁴Simon Peter motioned to this disciple and said, “Ask him which one he means.” ²⁵Leaning back against Jesus, he asked him, “Lord, who is it?” ²⁶Jesus answered, “It is the one to whom I will give this piece of bread when I have dipped it in the dish.” Then, dipping the piece of bread, he gave it to Judas Iscariot, son of Simon. ²⁷As soon as Judas took the bread, Satan entered into him. “What you are about to do, do quickly,” Jesus told him, ²⁸but no one at the meal understood why Jesus said this to him. ²⁹Since Judas had charge of the money, some thought Jesus was telling him to buy what was needed for the Feast, or to give something to the poor. ³⁰As soon as Judas had taken the bread, he went out. And it was night. ³¹When he was gone, Jesus said, “Now is the Son of Man glorified and God is glorified in him. ³²If God is glorified in him, God will glorify the Son in himself, and will glorify him at once. ³³My children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going, you cannot come. ³⁴A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ³⁵By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” ³⁶Simon Peter asked him, “Lord, where are you going?” Jesus replied, “Where I am going, you cannot follow now, but you will follow later.” ³⁷Peter asked, “Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.” ³⁸Then Jesus answered, “Will you really lay down your life for me? I tell you the truth, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times!

            First, it looks like doing the grunge job. You do remember this chapter, don’t you? It records some of Jesus’ last hours with his disciples. He is meeting with them for the Passover Meal in an upper room somewhere in Jerusalem. The text (NIV) says, “Jesus showed them the full extent of his love” (1). Actually the more accurate translation says, “He loved them to the end.” And he did. According to Lk. 22 they were fussing about who was the greatest. Quietly and without any fanfare, Jesus got up from the table, girded himself with a towel and began doing the grunge job. He washed their feet and dried their feet with the towel that was around him. Why did Jesus do this? Well, yes he will teach them a lesson. But he washed their feet because they needed washed. Their feet were dirty. That is part of the conversation with Peter a bit later. Some sources say that this was the one job that a slave could refuse to do. Jesus volunteers for the job. Jesus is the Lord and Teacher (13-14). But that night he became the example of love (15).

            I don’t know if you have ever participated in a foot washing ceremony or not, but it is humiliating. I have been the washer and the washee. Neither is comfortable. I remember being stopped in my tracks one year when Chuck Swindoll was preaching at a Promise Keepers’ Rally. He was preaching from Eph. 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her.” This is what he said, “Men, do you serve your wives?” Man, I had to duck my head. I thought, “Well there was that one Thursday that one year…” Giving Each Other Our Best means doing the grunge job.

            Second, it looks like living with ambiguity and heartache. Do you know the concern of most of this chapter? It is two pairs of feet—The feet of Peter and the feet of Judas. If you are serious about giving your best in the home get ready for some disappointment. Much of this chapter is biographical. Peter is spoken of in at least 7 verses. Judas is spoken of in at least 5 verses. That’s 12 verses out of 38—more than one third of the chapter is devoted to these two who hurt Jesus.

            You’ll remember that Peter objects and refuses Jesus washing his feet (6, 8). It’s hard to do something kind for proud people. Then he desires to get a bath (9)—such a person of extremes. Later he wants to know who the betrayer is (24)—evidence of guilt or playing the comparison game? Then he asked Christ where he was going (36) and pledges his loyalty (37). Jesus predicts his denial (38).

            You’ll remember that Judas is having a real struggle with the Devil (2, 27)—twice it tells us that Satan entered him. Once it tells us that Judas is not clean (11). Once it tells us, quoting from Ps. 41:9, that Judas will eat Jesus’ bread and then betray him (18). Finally we are told that Judas went out, and it was night (30). Judas walked right by the light, but he chose to live in the shadows.

Application

          Some of you know this pain. You have tried to love your family by giving your best only to have it back fire. Sometimes genuine love gets nothing more than denial and betrayal. George Matheson understood this. He was engaged to be married. But he found himself going blind. He confessed his eyesight problem to his fiancée. He was hopeful that it wouldn’t matter. But she said, “I cannot marry a blind man.” Matheson was shattered. He even contemplated suicide. Instead, he went back home to the manse [a house occupied by a Presbyterian minister] (June 6, 1882) and wrote a hymn, “O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go” about the love of God. He said it was like something came over him, and he wrote the lyrics to the four stanzas in five minutes. Sometimes we have to live with ambiguity and heartache even when we give our best. But we can do it because of the love of God.

            Finally, it looks like Jesus’ treatment of others; nothing less, nothing more, nothing else. This text is not called the great mandate for nothing. Jesus commands us to love. It is a new (Gk. kainos) commandment—old but new. But it is Jesus himself who gave it new freshness and power. We are to love like Jesus loved. Read the Gospels for how he did that—returning good for evil, not retaliating, enduring suffering, etc. In fact, he says that this love is the distinguishing mark of his followers. I am always intrigued by what he didn’t say—not church attendance, baptisms, church polity, communion, helping the poor, etc. Love for others like Jesus had is what marks us out as followers of Jesus. This kind of love is not really guided by emotion. Jesus would have used a different word if he wanted to say that. This kind of love is a free and decisive act determined by the subject. It is will and action. There was an old chorus that we sang years ago, “They Will Know We Are Christians by our Love.”

            This becomes the predominant theme throughout the Gospel of John. Want a little Bible trivia? In the Gospel of John the verb, “love,” appears 9x previous to this mandate. After the mandate the verb, “love,” appears 24x from there to the end of the Gospel. In the Gospel of John the noun, “love,” appears 1x previous to this mandate. After the mandate the noun, “love,” appears 5x from there to the end of the Gospel.

            May I say two things about the Jesus kind of love? First, it is learned—not natural. Love may be somewhat instinctual, but it is not like a perennial plant that comes back every year. This kind of mature love must be learned through the years. Randy Gariss in an article in The Christian Standard (“A Lifetime Love”) likens it to a stray dog. (Granted, you might have to clean up the illustration, but if you knew Randy, who is the Will Rogers of the Christian Church, you would take no offense.) A stray dog shows up. The last thing a guy wants to do is take care of that old dog. But the man looks out the window and says, “No dog should starve.” So he sets some food out. The last thing a guy wants to do is to take the dog in, but one night there is an ice storm. The man says, “No dog should be out in weather like this.” So…the dog is allowed in the house. Pretty soon the dog gets sick. The last thing a guy wants to do is to take the stray dog to the vet, but he does and spends $276 getting it well. Well, three years later the dog dies…and the man cries like a baby. How did that happen? He had to learn to love like that.

          Second, it takes commitment. Love that just loves has a great amount of glue to it. The A & E Show, “Duck Dynasty” is sweeping the nation. I want to play you a brief clip from when Phil and Miss Kay are renewing their vows. The minister is their non-bearded son. Uncle Si is the Lord of the Rings. Notice the life-long commitment—that’s the ideal.

Giving Each Other Our Best can be put into one word: love. In the early centuries of the Church there was a man named Tertullian. He was from Carthage in Africa. He was bright and was engaged by all the arguments for Christianity. But he told that what converted him was watching how the Christians treated each other. Love is our finest apologetic.

The famous preacher George Whitfield was asked if a certain man was a Christian. Whitefield responded, “I don’t know. I haven’t talked to his wife.” The well-known motivational speaker, Zig Zigler quoted his son as saying, “The thing I like best about my dad is that he loves my mom.”

I have sort of been the marrying parson this summer. I have had five weddings, one set of counseling sessions for a couple that is getting married in California, and three more weddings to go as we turn the corner on next year. Each of them has their special nuances (wedding cake with favorite football teams in each end zone, cowboy decorations, etc). But may I tell you about the first of those five. The wedding couple brought dirt from their respective homes. They placed the respective dirt in a basket that contained a tree that they were going to plant in their new home. The mothers each did a reading and then watered the tree. It was cool. Would you determine to plant something from John 13 today in your heart and home? Maybe a special grunge job? Maybe a little more tenderness?