How People Grow

Introduction

Among the pantheon of books I've read, there are a few that rise above the rest. I enjoy gleaning as much as I can from whatever I read but not everything I've read has been personally transformative. How People Grow by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend is one of those books that has been personally transformative and one that everyone should read. How People Grow is an exceptional book that relates the many elements of personal growth to clear biblical principles. The authors emphasize that “all growth is spiritual growth.” Cloud and Townsend insist that everything a person needs to guide them along the path of spiritual growth or through the sometimes turbulent waters of life’s struggles is found in the Bible. Cloud writes, “All the processes that had changed peoples’ lives were in the pages of Scripture. The Bible talked about the things that helped people grow in relational and emotional areas as well as spiritual ones.” (Pg. 20) How People Grow, although based on sound theological and psychological scholarship, is an extremely practical tool that is easily understood and readily applicable to everyday life. The book was particularly impactful for me as it put words to my past experiences and how those experiences have, in part, shaped my current reality. The insight into myself and some principles on how to grow beyond the struggles of my present reality have offered me some much needed hope that although my past may have shaped some of my current realities, those experiences need not build a prison within which my current realities are doomed to live themselves out.

The Master Gardener: The God of Growth

            In this section of the book, Cloud attempts to shift the reader’s perspective from a natural human view of God to a biblical view of God. The trajectory of this section is to move the reader from the God of the Law to the God of Grace. Cloud reminds us of the Apostle Paul’s instruction that someone who is under the law is perpetually condemned and is, in fact, attracted to sin. (Rom 7) Under the law, we find ourselves in a situation where we try to earn our way back to God through our own efforts to avoid God’s condemnation of our sin. Conversely, Grace, according to the authors, means that; 1) God is for us not against us and consequently wants good for us; and 2) God’s favor cannot be earned and is not deserved. Nevertheless, we desperately need God’s favor in order to facilitate our growth. Both aspects of Grace are necessary ingredients for our continued growth as Cloud writes, “To grow, we need things that we do not have and cannot provide, and we need to have a source of those things who looks favorably upon us and who does things for us for our own good.” (Pg. 67)

            Although I have been an evangelical Christian for more than half my life and a Protestant for nearly thirty years, I grew up in a Catholic home with its ritualistic inclinations toward a works-salvation. Add to that the ingredient of growing up with an abusive, alcoholic father and much of my life has consisted of trying to earn my Heavenly Father and my earthly father’s acceptance. This meant always trying to do better through my own strength in order to avoid condemnation from God while at the same time avoiding the ire of my father which when combined left me emotionally and spiritually stagnant until my mid-twenties. I finally left the Catholic church and was too big to take any more physical abuse from my father. Converting to Protestantism slowly transformed my view of God from one of the Law to one of Grace. When my wife and I moved to a small evangelical church, the Body of Christ pointed me down the road that began the healing process. Subsequent churches I have attended have continued to reinforce that Love and Grace informed by the truth of Scripture are the rule of life. However, my greatest growth came during the decade spent at Seminary pursuing my graduate degree where Love, Grace and Truth were essential principals to understanding the basic elements of God’s revelation of himself in Jesus Christ. Learning that the Law demonstrates our need for Grace gave me the freedom to begin the difficult, and often failing, process of letting go of trying to earn my way back into God’s favor and has instead freed me to be in relationship with a God who is on my side.

Finding The Best Climate

            In this section, Cloud offers a biblical view of the way God works within our lives and world. Cloud makes his point through two illustrations where “Plan A” represents God’s direct intervention in the lives of his people. This “Plan A” is what most of us pine for when we are struggling and confused with the trials, tribulations, pain and suffering that are an inevitable part of our lives. However, most of the time, comfort and relief does not come through God’s direct intervention. Instead, God uses people as his means to touch our lives during difficult times. Many of us, according to Cloud, believe that this is “Plan B.” It may be effective but it’s still not as good as Plan A. Cloud attempts to reorient us to the truth that Plan B is actually Plan A. (Pgs. 119-120)

As previously stated, I grew up in a tremendously dysfunctional home. My father was an abusive alcoholic while the rest of us in the family played the traditional roles found in alcoholic families (i.e. enablers, appeasers, black sheep, avoiders, etc.). My point is not to cast stones or disparage my late father but simply to state a fact of the way I grew up. Over the years, I have come to accept that just as I am a product, to a certain extent, of my early childhood experiences, my father was a product of his early childhood experiences. I'm not making any excuses for anyone's behavior, but recognizing this reality has been instrumental in the process of forgiveness both for him and for myself. Nevertheless, during the many years when his alcoholism nearly drove me to kill myself, I prayed desperately for God to step in and "DO SOMETHING!" My "Plan A" was for God to step in personally and put an end to the madness that an addiction injects into a person's life. That didn't happen. Instead, we had to endure years of pain and anguish all too common in cases of substance abuse. My "Plan B" was for the opportunity to escape and be surrounded by people who had enough bandages to dress my wounds and give me the chance to heal. Well, in God's infinite wisdom, "Plan B" was actually "Plan A!" God gave me the gift of my wife who, together with the Church, began the difficult process of moving me along the path of healing. As though giving me an amazing wife weren't enough to prove that God is on my side, I received the gift of two daughters who have been faithful Christians from the start and are a daily reminder to me that "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" (2 Cor 5:17)

During the storms of my early life, I thought my "Plan A" was the best and only way. I saw no value in enduring the struggles of my life the way they, in fact, eventually unfold. Even now, I am grieved by the many personality and character flaws that seem to be hard-wired into the person I am even though I know I am a "work-in-progress." However, I also know that the path of my life has made me uniquely qualified to speak into the darkness and brokenness of other people's lives with the perspective of an insider. I also know that what I thought was "Plan B" was the path that eventually led me to my wife, leads me to cherish my children and most importantly continues to drive me toward a God that isn't angry with me but instead loves me and wants to be in relationship with me forever. So from a God-perspective, my "Plan B" was God's "Plan A" all along!

The Gardener’s Handbook: The Bible

            In the final section of the book, the authors present the centrality of Scripture as the preeminent source for growth. They write, “The Bible stands alone as God’s only perfect guide to life and growth.” (Pg. 191) They illustrate its comfort in the lives of those who suffer and grieve as well as a means of discipline for those who are serious about their journey of faith toward becoming a more righteous person. They demonstrate the riches found in the state of spiritual poverty and the freedom that comes from obedience. Ultimately, the key to the centrality of Scripture in the life of the believer is the truth it conveys about all of life. This truth, however, is not some abstract concept. Instead, Truth is embodied and exemplified in the life and teachings of Jesus Christ who is our perfect model for growth.

            For twenty-two months from 2006 to 2008 I experienced a very dark night of the soul. During that time, God masked his presence from all my senses. Scripture became spectacularly central in my life because it was my only lifeline to God even if it was just on paper. There were no answers to prayer. There were no consolations. There was nothing. I experienced the most acute sense of suffering and grief I could ever imagine as I continually reached out to God without any comfort. I have gone back and read my journal entries during that point in time and it was truly a very dark time in my life. I didn’t want to live and I didn’t want to die. I didn’t feel anything. I slept an average of three to four hours a night for the entire time. I was exhausted and broken. Looking back, I can now see that by the end of the twenty-two month period, I had been thoroughly disciplined and was a poster child of spiritual poverty. My only lifeline was the Bible and God’s promises to carry me and give me the strength to persevere even though I had no sense of God’s presence in my life at the time. At the end, I was simply desperate for God. After twenty-two months, almost to the day, I woke up after a full night of sleep and God was so present to me I felt I could touch him. The one thing that remained a constant in my life before, during and after that difficult time was the centrality of Scripture in my life and that has made all the difference.

Final Reflection

            How People Grow was instrumental in helping me put words to the experiences of my life. As I read through the book I often found myself cursing the fact that I could have benefited greatly from the book had I read it twenty-five years ago! Nevertheless, Cloud and Townsend make a compelling argument that the Bible contains everything we need for spiritual growth with the understanding that “all growth is spiritual growth!”